A Double Vision of Love: May 2011

Mother's Day

I had a wonderful first Mother's Day! We cooked lunch for Andrew's parents and grandparents.

Charlotte and LaLee

Caroline

I thought a lot about my own mother and my deep appreciation for her. Because I now know what it feels like---the sleepless nights, tired days, poop explosions and that unconditional love. How you would do anything for your children. How you just want to keep them safe and teach them to grow into beautiful people. I thank my mother for all of this and know I have really big shoes to fill.

There isn't a better present in the world than these two precious things. This is what we call "sister time." Each day we put the girls together and let them play with each other. It's funny because I will put them down apart and after a few minutes they have wiggled their way next to each other. They make little noises and kick their arms and legs the whole time while they stare at each other, like they are communicating. I just love watching that twin bond.

Breastfeeding (Guys may skip this section if they do not care to read about this)

This has been the most stressful part of having the babies. It was really important to me to breastfeed them. I read books on it and we even took a breastfeeding multiples class. But it just didn't work out like I had hoped. It started with the first day they were born. Because I was so sick from the epidural, they would not let me breastfeed the girls right away. They were first given formula. Then when I was able to, they were so little that they both had a hard time latching on. They also didn't have the strength to suck for very long once I could get them latched. So our feeding routine became this: 1) work on latching each girl for about 25 minutes each, where they probably only got about 3-5 minutes of milk, 2) feed them formula because they did not get enough milk from me, 3) pump to keep up stimulation. This whole ordeal took about 2 hours. Then it was time for them to eat again. On top of all of that, I still was not making enough milk to even feed one baby alone. So after talking to every lactation consultant that works for Methodist Hospital, the girls pediatrician and my doctor, I dropped the breastfeeding part and just pumped. I would still try to latch them on some every now and then if they would. But it was difficult because they would just scream and cry every time we went through this process until I just gave them the bottle. So after pumping and supplementing with formula for a month, I decided to stop. This was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make yet with them. It's not something I wanted to do and I felt guilty for a while about it. But I realized that it wasn't worth the stress I was going through to give them hardly any milk anyway. The girls are happy and healthy and that's really all that matters. Plus mama has more time to spend with them now!

First Scare

So we had our first real scare as parents last Thursday. We went to a friend's house for a little backyard BBQ. We had the girls in their carriers on the grass (more like dead/dirt grass) next to us in the backyard. They did great, slept the whole time. We were there about an hour and decided to leave because it was getting close to their feeding time and they were starting to wake up and get a little fussy. On our way home (which was just a couple of blocks away) I looked down at Caroline who suddenly stopped crying for food and was freaked out to see how dark red her face was. She had her mouth shut but saliva was bubbling from it and also coming out of her nose. Her eyes were swollen shut. I have never felt so scared in my entire life. Andrew stopped the car and got her out. He was trying to get her mouth open but it was shut so tightly. I wasn't sure if she was having an allergic reaction to something and was swollen inside her mouth. Finally Andrew was able to get his finger in her mouth and she gasped and began to cry again. We quickly drove home and I washed her face and body down. But her little face and eyes still looked so swollen so we took her to the Children's Hospital. Luckily, by the time we made it, she was so much better. We still had her checked out and everything was fine except for a little congested breathing. We still aren't sure what happened. It could have been the half dead grass she was in sitting in her carrier or maybe she was bitten by something. I have them outside all the time and that has never happened before. But we are overly cautious now with her just in case it comes on again. It really scared both of us and I still think about it everyday. We are just so thankful she is okay and it wasn't anything more serious.

Running

My doctor just cleared me for exercise. I never thought I would be so excited about that but I am! I've been dying to go for a run since I had the babies. I have never been consistent with working out. When I started in college, I would maybe go to the gym a couple times a week at the most. Then I may go a week or two with nothing. Then back to the gym for a day or so. It wasn't until a little over a year ago Andrew and I ran a half marathon did I really start to love running. I think once you get past those first few miles and start running more than five that you can really feel it...that high you get. I was running five to six days a week to train for the half. It felt great and I began to look forward to my runs. But once it was over, I stopped. I think I really just need that motivation, a goal perhaps. So I am going to put it in writing, here on my blog. I want to run the Rock n' Roll half marathon in San Antonio this November. That means I will be running during the summer which is tough to do in Texas. But it will be worth it. I ran for the first time in a year this past Saturday. That mile was very difficult but felt so good at the same time. It's nice to take a break---just myself and my running tunes. Not quite the music that would motivate most people to run though. My running iPod is filled with slow music like Damien Rice and Lucinda Williams. And when our wedding song, Heavenly Day by Patty Griffin, comes on I pick up the pace just a little. It takes me back to happy times---years ago, dancing to it in our living room. Then to our wedding day, our first song we danced to as husband and wife. Running, for me, is a good time to relax and clear my head. I'm looking forward to my morning runs, just not in this Texas heat!

Finally, Work

I am officially a Stay at Home Mom. This is something Andrew and I had talked about way before we had children. I always wanted to stay home with my littles until they went to school. It's something I looked forward to doing with them. Now that they are here, I can't imagine leaving them all day. I can definitely see how staying home with your children isn't for everyone though. I would probably go insane if I didn't get out of the house. A lot of people told me I wouldn't leave the house for the first three months. But that just isn't me. We were out of the house the first week! Luckily the girls were born in a good season where the weather is nice and there isn't much illness going around, like the flu. Their pediatrician said as long as they aren't around a bunch of kids, feel free to get them out of the house. So far, so good. I am enjoying being home with them. Now, will I ever go back to work? Yes. But it probably won't be sitting behind a computer all day. When I do go back, I want it to be for something I really enjoy, something I'm passionate about....food. I LOVE food, whether it is my own cooking/baking (not that I'm so good at it, I just enjoy it) or restaurants. Andrew thinks I am wasting my Accounting degrees but I assure him they will come in handy when I own my own business one day :)

Until next time...